About Ohsocosy
I’m 63 and I’ll be dead (so they tell me) before too long, as I have terminal cancer with metastases.
I’m male, happily married with the most fantastic wife, five incredible kids and three amazing grandchildren.
I am a marketing consultant and graphic designer, creator of corporate styles and all that goes with them, having spent 47 years learning what not to do. The work ranges from individuals and their brands up to specialised projects for corporations up to multinational size.
Confronted with my eventual demise, I am writing a book accompanied by an anthology of poetry and hope to manage a few canvases to get a bit of money for my wife to keep the company going after I’m gone.
My blog is open to comment - hopefully challenging and interesting, cathartic and penetrating. I’m seeking to clarify my own views on life and death and the human soul, as well as desiring to instill in others a questioning stance. Do have a say with your comments.
April 10, 2008 at 6:02 am
So life has given you the two-fingers. Fuck off, it’s said.
Now that’s actually a great shame. Because you’re quite special.
You’ll like this though - when I invested in a charity marketing firm (they’d advise charities on how to raise funds) they’d refer to you as a market segment called the “pre dead”. Welcome to your own rather elite market segment.
Yet, even though life has given you the heave-ho (yes, I know yoiu’re not out of the door yet), we the living, still want something of you. We want your soul before you go. It’s a lose-lose for you.
You’re already giving it on the blog. Do more. Blog your tits off. And you must do the book. And a drawing or two. Get some drawings on the blog - your words are simply brilliant, but your drawings would give them extra visibility and depth. I dread to think what you’d draw.
I’m always prepared for death (actually, that’s shit because I’ve never died before) and believe eveyone should live to the full. It’s a duty. Life is too short. It is. If you shout this message out, and get everyone you can to get the best out of what they have, enjoy life, love others, make the world a better place etc etc etc, then you’ll live forever. (I’m not doing too well myself on that score really, so you’ve already spurred me again to put another spurt in to help others)
Ironic, really. And all so fucking unfair.
So don’t die in peace - get to work. We need you to do this.
April 11, 2008 at 5:06 pm
If you want any coaching/editing/other help on your book let me know and I’ll do it FOC. (It’s what I do for a day job - see http://www.SuzanStMaur.com )
SUZE
April 11, 2008 at 5:18 pm
I’d adore a professional opinion on what I’ve written so far. Also, I’d like your views on the subject matter. Sharing such things is what will always help me to formulate my thoughts. I wish I had your wicked sense of humour when writing. I think I share your sentiments but haven’t the gift of comic writing. Sue will give you my email address if you’d like to exchange thoughts that way.
April 12, 2008 at 1:23 pm
Gosh.
I had no idea it was this serious. I’m really sorry, Tony.
I haven’t known you for long, but already you’ve struck me as a very special guy indeed. Somebody who genuinely cares about people and does business with integrity and confidence. I’d like to be able to learn more from you so let me know when I can pre-order your book from Amazon!
I think that one of the most special gifts a person can give or receive is hope, and there is hope here despite the darkness. I believe there is life after death, and it’s that hope that gives me the boldness to put up two fingers to death. A cancer scare when I was a student made me realise that I am scared of the process but not what happens after.
If there is anything I can do to help, Tony, please let me know.
April 12, 2008 at 2:13 pm
Rachel…
Don’t be sorry. Tell me about your version of life after death - it’s a fascinating subject and, when I write about it in this blog and in my book, I want to have compared notes and thoughts and concepts with as many people as possible. Do it within these pages or, if you’d rather be private, email me. Everyone who enhances this blog with their ideas runs the risk of having them included. The way it’s going, could be quite an interesting book!
April 13, 2008 at 8:00 am
You always have a choice.
I was told in 1975 that I had a month or two to live - unless I coughed or sneezed - in which case I could die immediately.
I changed my mind.
I believe you can also.
Namaste
Martin Brofman
April 13, 2008 at 8:16 am
Thanks, Martin…
I have no intention of dying a moment too soon! These are early days, and right now the problem is I’m so spoilt for choice with regard to ideas, concepts, treatments, regimes, that I need to sift through it all. Mostly, I want to use my time to best effect for all concerned, including my family.
I am sure attitiude is a key factor, also that trauma may have helped it along. When you come to London again I’d like to attend one of your sessions… …seems I just missed one this weekend.
April 13, 2008 at 4:25 pm
Tony,
There are no certainties in life, so unless God came and told you that you’ll be dead soon, please don’t believe it!
We all have choices and I believe that sometimes we are faced with choices for a reason. Now, you can accept what someone in a white coat has told you or you can make a choice to take charge of your own life. There is a world of possibilities out there and you need to do the research to find what can work!
And NEVER allow your mind to convince your spirit that it’s not possible, because the spirit is really you!
Blessing and healing energies,
Jill
April 13, 2008 at 5:07 pm
Thanks, Jill…
No, I do intend to fight and every message of support and comeraderie adds to my determination. The research aspect is daunting because, as you say, there is SO MUCH out there and it’s difficult to know how to make a valued judgement. But I have faith in the Lord and somehow feel He will guide me towards the right decisions.
I am truly grateful for your Blessing and Healing, which I do so appreciate.
April 14, 2008 at 6:34 am
Hello Tony, I have just returned from holiday to see your email about this blog. So far, what I have read is very much a testament to your great spirit.
I don’t believe in life after death in the religious sense. I believe your life will live on after your death, whenever it comes, in the memories and legacies you have created. Luckily for everybody who knows you there is a lot of your creation around.
I am a practical rather than spiritual person so I would like to offer you whatever practical help you or your family may need now or in the future. I look forward to another curry some time soon if you are up for it.
April 14, 2008 at 12:57 pm
Hello Tony,
We have been friends for about 60 years. We are the same age. We grew up toether, our houses were in the same road. You lived at number 75 and I at number 31. Our parents were friends. We have always shared the same values in life. Though we now live over a hundred miles apart I feel as close to you as ever. The childhood memories I have of us getting up to mischief (not all the time) will live on forever. The oak tree in Mill Hill park, us watching the Chipmunk aircraft doing a forced landing in the park after taking off from Hendon aerodrome, going to your house for tea. Playing cricket in the road. All these and much more are as vivid as yesterday. Don’t go yet old friend we have more to do and say.
April 14, 2008 at 2:59 pm
Hi, Graham…
Yes, mischief and mayhem! Ours was a world of Eagle comics, Buffalo Bill Annuals, Flight magazines, tuck shops… I remember your Mum’s suet pudding boiled in a muslin bag then served with treacle or marmalade, our contemporary movies like “It’s Great to be Young!” and “Oklahoma”, our first records (mine were “Hoots Mon” and “Stupid Cupid”), then Everly Brothers, Elvis and Gene Vincent… …those were good times! What a different world it is today!
April 14, 2008 at 3:42 pm
Indeed, Saturday morning pictures, standing for the national anthem, a sly cigarette in the park. The tree walk, the tunnel under the A41 and shouting at the top of our voices scaring old ladies in the tunnel. Waylaying the goods train that went passed at the bottom of your garden with missiles. Your Mum’s egg sandwiches and playing the memory game after tea. Your Mum would bring a tray with about 20 or so objects on it and let us study it for 5 or 10 minutes. Then she would take it away and we would have to write down the objects from memory. You were always better at it than me. Your Dad playing the violin. Firing our cap guns at imaginary foes. Yes - thank goodness X-boxes weren’t invented then.
April 14, 2008 at 5:23 pm
I might devote a bit of a chapter in my book to all this. Keep the memories flying…!
April 19, 2008 at 10:06 am
People are always busy with their own stuff, and don’t make time for what’s important. Always meaning to meet up, call, chew the fat, and never quite getting out of their own insignificant sound and fury. That’s by way of my apology.
All I want to say, Tony, is that I’m so very glad I met you. I spent two or three pretty crappy years in Winslow, and you were the only piece of intrigue and sanity that I found there - will always be touched by the presence of TonyO
I thought you might be interested in a previous blog, written by my best friend who took the same journey as you a couple of years ago. Like you, he was stunningly happy with his life, his wife and family. You’ll find him a bit weird, but aren’t we all?
Anyway, I’m scratching around for things to say, but I’ll keep checking back to see where you are.
Take care, Tony
David
April 19, 2008 at 10:14 am
David - It’s all a big learning curve and - hey! - remember I’m still here, and carrying on much as normal but with a few provisos.
Your friend - where will I find his blog?
May 4, 2008 at 11:34 am
Dearest TonyO
My best Creative Friend. No-one else could have responded to my request for inspiration for my Creative Writing assignment based on Zen & the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance with “S’Easy! Start with magnificent order of the theory of evolution, response to stimulus, etc., then discuss the appreciation of beauty in the human mind and try to link that to nature, too. You end up with a cool dialogue which examines on the one hand, order within science, then demolishes it by seeing the creative aspects of nature – how G-d “designs” the intricacies and wonders therein, and gives mankind the ability to appreciate beauty in vision and sound, thus totally negating the “randomness” implied by the wholly “scientific approach. Look at both sides of the arguments and find a meeting place – the two views are not mutually exclusive, as so many scientists will agree!” Tell this to your cancer, demolish it with superb words, grind it into the dust, and watch it drift away on a motorbike! Lindy
May 10, 2008 at 11:33 pm
Tony,
I know I saw you on a bad day, but how weird that both you and my mother both went through the levitation and tunnel of light experiences. I told her about it and she took such comfort from it. All she could say was how much she felt for you and she has asked for continual updates about you ( that’s mothers for you I guess!). What this has taught me is that there is no death as such and no, it’s not a clinging on to hope as such, but that there is something beyond this existence. Despite your obvious discomfort ( not aided by that bloody awful nutrional drink) I see a sharp mind still keen to fight on combined with an exploration of what will follow and I cannot but admire your attitude. Keep this up - it is to me still a story of great hope.
Yours in friendship
Magnus
May 13, 2008 at 12:32 pm
Hi Tony,
I’ve had three Near Death Experiences (during asthma attacks) if you want any reassurance about life after death, I’m your woman. You can email me from my BLOG http://www.oscarswilde.blog.co.uk
Blessings and Love, Ozzzy
May 14, 2008 at 11:32 am
Tony,
I’ve got broad shoulders, and after you have read what follows you can tell me to p**s off, or tell me it’s what you are doing anyway, or just ignore me!
As a former complementary therapist, I would never, never suggest anything which indicates that there is no hope for a full recovery. Both allopathic medicine and complementary therapy journals are littered with accounts of unexpected and unexplained recoveries and I would encourage you to continue to try anything and everything, which, it seems, you are doing anyway.
However, it must also be recognised that maybe, just maybe, your days are numbered (silly expression — the days of all of us are numbered) and this creates an exquisite and wonderfully beautiful opportunity for you and for those around you. You now have a window of opportunity to cut the crap in your relationships and in your conversations with everybody. It is very hard for those who love you to watch what is going on, and in our culture there is a strong impetus to ignore or gloss over the truth of your situation. There is often a strong desire not to talk about your condition, to try and maintain a stiff upper lip, to make light of it, to pretend that normal life is continuing. We all know that normal life for you at the moment is NOT continuing. Others may want to ignore what is happening to you, whereas, I suspect, you are consumed by your condition and WANT to talk about it. Others may be embarrassed and fearful and not know what to say. They may be afraid to show you their anguish and their tears. Well, I’m sure you know it’s O.K. just to sit together in silence and just be — with each other. Others may find it difficult to talk about the deep spiritual issues you are facing, and it just may be that that is precisely what you do want to talk about and it’s a bit up to you to make it O.K. for others to join you in this way.
None of this is meant to suggest that it should all be heavy and serious, there are marvellous opportunities for the humour and the joshing which it would seem has been a major part of your life. I’m just advocating that, if you WANT to, there is now an opportunity to go deeper, to talk about God, souls, life after death, karma, Tales of the Hasidim and the thousand other aspects of spirituality.
Finally, the discarnate entity Emmanuel has talked about death and dying in The Book of Emmanuel by Pat Rodegast (It was he who said to his scribe: ‘Tell them that death is quite safe’ and in another place he descibed death as like taking off a tight shoe. How could one not like someone who says things like that!)
AND I hope and pray for your return to full health.
With love
John Mason
May 18, 2008 at 5:21 pm
Hi, John…
Good to hear from you. As I think Clive will tell you, I’m not swallowing what they tell me. My intention is to get through this and defeat the cancer, with the help of anything I can get. I am not resigned to an early death, neither do I fear death itself, and believe sincerely that there is much more in my armoury still to come, whether it be attitudinal, therapeutical or just plain positive. I have just come through a most cathartic experience at the Penny Brohn Cancer Care centre (which see, later) and I feel strong, resilient and energised.
I have experienced many of the various approaches you mention, and found at the Penny Brohn centre that souls acting together are immensely powerful, so that a group of sufferers working in harmony devise and indeed experience a bond so dynamic that it seems almost unbelievable, their combined strength and resource proving the utter connectivity with which human beings are undoubtedly blessed. This connectivity is, I suspect, at the root of something quite profound, a subject I wish to explore as I continue my journey.
You mention humour - vitally important! When I arrived at Bristol, knowing I was about to spend several days in the company of fellow cancer subjects, I did not relish the prospect, expecting the atmosphere to be dull and despondent. How wrong I was! Throughout my stay I would say the overriding feeling was of good humour (often laughter creasing us up), warmth and comeraderie - not of a stilted or manufactured type but spontaneous and incredibly bonding.
I am ready for death if necessary, whenever that call will arise. But right now I am ready for life, perhaps as never before.
Love, TonyO
May 20, 2008 at 2:49 am
My lovely english friend…
Yes… You’re 63 years old and you are absolutely right when you write that you have the most fantastic wife, five incredible kids and three amazing grandchildren. I’m a very lucky brazilian girl who got to know you, your family and live for a while with part of them…
Charlie is the most amazing happy, gorgeous, clever woman I’ve ever met.
Toby, Zoe,…
Lula, Silvo and little Alma… When I think of them… Think of that little angelic faces my heart beats stronger… Love them (even Alma that I haven’t met YET) as I love my sister!
Max is one of my best friends. Brave, talented, kind and without this english ‘figure’, my experience abroad would never be so fantastic!
You and your wife? Where are that cold english people that I always heard about???? I haven’t met them… You, your wife and your lovely family are the opposite of every myth about english people… welcomed me in your home making me feel a super special guest! I was so happy!!!
I’ve written all of it trying to say that family, love, friends, special moments are what really matters in our lives… don’t think about what just God can decide… live beautifully… write a book… poetry… paint a picture… remember how brave you are and all the things you did, have done, are doing and will do for you and all the ones you love…
Cancer? Fred Allen once said: “I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.” What do you think about a long walk for the annoying cancer!?!?!?! I promise that this is our little secret, ok!?!?
WAIT FOR ME BECAUSE I’LL COME BY ON MARCH 2009!
Until then just WORK HARD AND BE NICE TO PEOPLE like you’ve always done…
My love,
Nati
x x x x x x x x
PS: sorry about my poor english…
May 20, 2008 at 1:28 pm
Dear Nati…
Your English is fine. What have we done to deserve so much praise? It was a pleasure to welcome you here and there will always be such a welcome, from any of the Ososkis. You also seem to represent the warmth of Brazil, with your sunny attitude, rich humour and vibrant personality.
March 2009? I aim to be there!!!
Loads of Love,
TonyO and all the Ososkis xxxxxxxxxx
May 20, 2008 at 3:19 pm
You know Tony we only know each other from csc but I think you are giving the finger right back at death. I see all the sad and down messages and realize that you are living. We all live until we dont. voila answer solved. But on thing I have realized is I love you writing and you have a gift. I cannot wait to hear about your new adventure at the clinic and I will be back here because you dear friend are fucking hilarious. And I love you childhood memories.. they are lovely. What a life.. you are having.. Thanks for getting me over here. I cannot wait for the next thing you write. Much peace and blessings. Callie
May 20, 2008 at 5:06 pm
Hi, Callie…
Well met! CrazySexyLife (see links) is a wonderful place and I feel privileged to be a part of it. Thanks for your comments re my writing. Other than the odd piece of advertising copy I’ve not really done much up to now, but I do enjoy getting thoughts down.
As regards my will to live: I have had cancer before, Hodgkins Disease in 1982. I’ve also had two heart attacks and been diagnosed last year with emphysema, so cancer is one more problem. When they mount up like that you need to develop an ATTITUDE, so you do. Simple as that.
My most powerful thought right now is to get as fit as possible and make my body as inhospitable to cancer as I can. You know, I created a pen-and-ink drawing of my tumour when I was in Bristol and intended to make him look as wicked and evil as I could. However, he turned out looking more shamefaced and scared (perhaps worrying about what the radiotherapy was going to do to him!) I’ll put him on the site soon. Point being, I don’t fear the bugger…
Love TonyO
May 21, 2008 at 4:05 pm
TonyO,
I’ve only just caught up with your weblog again.
I visited the Penny Brohn about 12 years ago at the invitation of the Doctor-Healer Network. Then it was called the Bristol Cancer Health Care Centre or some such name. (And before some misguided Medic slagged it off in the press and it came within a hair’s breadth of financial collapse as a result. He did come good in the end, some time afterwards, by commiting suicide, poor fellow.) But the important thing is that it continues. I and my wife were overwhelmed by the atmosphere there and have always had a warm spot for it in our hearts. They gave us a good lunch too, I recall! (Though I can’t recall whether it was veggie; vegan or macrobiotic. It was very healthy in any event!)
Glad to see you are keeping the energy level up high. Thinking positive has wondrous results as Carl (?) Simonton found out, though the last oncologist I mentioned Symonton to thought he was loopy!
Won’t be in touch for 10 days or so, mostly being needed by society to be sociable in the Scottish Borders. Families? What would we do without them?
Namaste, Shalom, Blessings and Salaam
and Love
John Mason
May 22, 2008 at 10:15 am
Tony,
You are never far from our thoughts. Geoff and I had a lovely evenigs fishing on the beach and between us we caught 12 shiners. I know how you would have enjoyed it and wished you were there with us. Reading your blog makes me relaise how many lives you have touched. As you may guess I do not find it easy communicating electronically. Our thioughtsd are always with you and Angie is calling on all the spiritual pwers she has to help.
May 22, 2008 at 7:11 pm
Hi, Tom…
Many thanks for that. And to Angie - her spiritual help is truly welcome…
feeling good generally.
TonyO
May 23, 2008 at 3:59 pm
Hello Tony
Do you remember some chats we had about fonts and the disappearing art of signwriting. Well last Wednesday I was walking through Exter near the cathedral when I came across a man at the top of a ladder with a pot of black paint and a very small paintbrush. He was halfway through writing the name of a business (solicitor or accountant, something like that) on the wall of an office building, very smart but old and traditiional. The sign was being written in a beautiful delicate font. Every letter was perfectly drawn and the line was perfectly straight. Astonishingly, this artist was working completely freehand with no guide or stencil, nothing. Just him with a pot of black paint at the top of a ladder.
Seeing the signwriter display such skill made me think of you, Tony. You know I hugely admire your talents and you have made my life richer in appreciating the crafts that were so essential before we all had computers and could fake it. Thank you for that.
Ray Ambrose.
May 23, 2008 at 4:14 pm
Hi, Ray…
Yes, the “old skills” are disappering fast. Gone are the days when such arts were necessary and so they are lost forever. I think much the same has happened with the arts of wizardry and magic. Sorcerors and folk llike Merlin probably knew how to do incredible things with spells and incantations, not to mention chemistry and even alchemy. Now technology has superceded and all we have is - computers!
Read the latest on my blog - “Space and Time…”
Regards, TonyO
June 7, 2008 at 7:51 pm
Hi Tony,
Magick is still alive and kicking if you know where to look for it. Try the Yorkshire Dales. Only these days we call ourselves Holistic Practitioners or if your brazen, like me, a Yorkshire Wisewoman, or a cunning woman (They don’t put a brick through your window if you go by one of these names.). My family has been practicing healing/ magick/ headology since 1635 as far as we can trace. Let me take you Spirit Travelling to see where we are all heading for sooner or later.
We should ALL live each day as if its our last, cos one day we’ll be right!
Lotsaluv Izzy x
June 12, 2008 at 7:59 pm
Hi Tony
Dad just gave me the web address. Just want to say we’re 100% with you out here in Crete, and keeping positive vibes heading your way.
Lots of love to you all
Sue & Bob xx
June 24, 2008 at 9:27 am
Many thanks, Sue & Bob…
Love to you too from Tracy and I… xx